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October has rolled around again, meaning one thing — it’s Halloween season. That means fall traditions, including apple picking, carving pumpkins, choosing fall outfits and then complaining about how it’s too warm to wear your fall outfit. More than anything, though, the Halloween season means horror movies: “Friday the 13th,” “A Nightmare on Elm Street” and “The Conjuring.” Most importantly, everyone’s favorite Twilight parody film, “Vampires Suck!” (This is a real thing and perhaps the most insane piece of media I’ve ever consumed).

However, for some of us, the Halloween season may not be as enticing. The thought of sitting and watching a horror movie makes us want to shrivel up into a ball and roll under the couch of our friend’s living room (Don’t go under there. There are a lot of chip crumbs, lost student IDs and possibly a colony of mice).

That used to be me, in fact, before I invented my foolproof “Be Able to Watch Horror Movies Without Looking Lame” program. Here, you can get all of the tips and tricks you need to participate in Halloween movie night without having to be the person who said, “Actually, could we possibly watch the live-action ‘Scooby-Doo’ movie instead?”

#1: Use Blankets To Your Advantage

I don’t care how warm it is. Make sure you bring a blanket to every single Halloween movie night that you’re attending. Blankets are absolutely foolproof. The thicker, the better. The trick is, every time a scary scene comes on, you just have to say, “Oh no! I lost my (Insert candy or snack here) in the blanket! I have to look for it!”

Then you can take the proper amount of time to search for the lost candy or snack with your blanket over your head. However, there is a maximum of four times you can use this trick before your friends start to get suspicious. There are only so many things you can lose in blankets: your phone, your watch, an earring maybe.

#2: The Popcorn Bucket is Your Friend

If you’re watching a movie with a Syracuse University College of Visual and Performing Arts film major, there’s a good chance they’ll have a popcorn-making contraption in the name of the viewing experience. This means they’ll likely have one of those big popcorn buckets to eat out of. If you’re really freaked out by the movie you’re watching, it turns out that a popcorn bucket makes quite a good safety helmet. Under the guise of — “Guys, look at me! I’m so crazy! I have a popcorn bucket on my head!” — you can keep safe from nightmares.

#3: Bring a Very Big Drink

Any large drink will work for this. You can bring a huge lemonade, a Slushie, a jug of Sunny D like Juno in “Juno” (Queue the Sabrina Carpenter, I know you want to), whatever you want. Depending on the drink, you can squeeze out about one to three bathroom breaks in a single movie. Once, I drank 14 Capri Suns while my friends were watching “Midsommar.” I’m pretty sure I’m at risk of prediabetes now, but at least I didn’t have to watch that one scene (shudders).

#4: Lie.

There’s nothing wrong with a good, hearty lie to change your friend’s mind about watching a horror movie. For example, let’s say everyone really wants to watch the original “Halloween.” Maybe you could say that one time you met Jamie Lee Curtis in an airport and she was really mean to you (Jamie Lee, I promise I know you’d never do this. If you’re reading this, I love you.), but now you can’t support the Halloween franchise because of your morals. Now you come across as “cool” instead of “too scared to watch ‘Halloween.’”

Look, I know horror movies can be stressful. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m scared of the dark. Have you ever watched “Hereditary,” before going into a basement to do your laundry? Nuh-uh. I don’t mess with that. Hopefully, with these tips, you can avoid running up and down the stairs with your eyes closed in case a monster is chasing you.

Published on October 9, 2024 at 10:56 pm

Contact Sarah: sswells@syr.edu