When you ask people about spring break, they always sound so excited. Whether they’re going on vacation, going home or just going somewhere that’s not Syracuse, everyone seems like they’re peeing their pants with anticipation for the seven-day-long hiatus.

However, I’ve learned to see past that exterior because I know that underneath it, there are a bunch of scared little boys and girls dreading one thing about spring break: the questions.

It’s inevitable that we won’t be able to answer every single question our family members come up with. I mean, there are probably thousands of them. How could we anticipate every single one? Well, that’s what I’m here for.

You see, last weekend my parents came up and started testing their questions on me. How foolish of them. Don’t they know I publish everything they say?!

Anyway, below I have anticipated a couple questions and potential answers that I think have a high chance of being asked this spring break, based off my observations of my own parents. So hold on folks, because you’re about to get prepared!

Question 1: What do you eat at school?

This question may sound simple, but you need to think before you answer it. If your parents are the “eat your vegetables” type, then you might want to think up a lie.

Personally, I eat the same thing for dinner five times a week, sometimes consume spoonfuls of peanut butter until satisfied and call that a meal and eat Hershey’s Kisses often enough that I can finish an entire giant bag in about a week.

My advice to you is to think of what a normal, somewhat healthy person eats and tell them that.

Question 2: What do you do for fun?

This question is a trap, and I recommend you don’t answer it. Chances are your parents know what you do for fun, but they just don’t want to accept the true answer.

My recommendation is to just be as vague as possible.

What did you do for your last night at school? Just hung out.

With who? Friends.

What did you do? We stayed super hydrated. (Now they think you’re healthy too — you’re welcome.)

Question 3: Are you seeing anyone?

It seems to me like a lot of our parents met during college or soon after. Does that mean that our parents expect us to find love in college? The answer is yes, yes it does.

Your immediate response to this question may be immediate panic or a playful yet defensive, “Ugh no geez stop!!” But I’m here to tell you that the correct answer is to, once again, be vague.

Something like “I kind of like this one person …” will suffice. Who is this person you ask? Could be a fake significant other. Maybe it’s a person you saw from afar one time and thought “Nice.” Maybe it’s Otto. You don’t actually need to have anyone — they just need to think you do.

Question 4: Oh, my God, what is that on your **insert body part here**?

If you got some sort of piercing, tattoo or stamp from DJ’s that has yet to come off, make sure you hide it properly before going home for break. Chances are, some family member of yours won’t like it.

It’s too shocking to show them an entire tattoo of Kent standing in front of the chancellor’s house all at once — maybe just expose a tree next to the house at first and slowly show them the full masterpiece over a period of several weeks.

Question 5: Where did you get that jacket?

Let’s be real with this one. You got it at DJ’s or a fraternity. And since you can’t wear it while at school because you will probably be stalked out by an angry, slightly chilly person, home is the perfect place to flaunt it.

So be truthful with this one. Chances are your parents will admire your quick thinking and initiative to save money.

Annabeth Grace Mann is a sophomore film major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at agmann@syr.edu.

Published on March 6, 2018 at 12:47 am