Although it seemed inescapable over the summer, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has pretty much lost steam. Maybe it’s getting too cold, maybe there’s no one left to nominate, or maybe all of the fresh water reserves in the United States have been used up.

Whatever the reason, images of those Facebook friends we barely know dumping precious natural resources on their heads in the name of activism have more or less dried up. So what’s next?

Our generation really likes to raise awareness. Luckily for us, there are a lot of problems in the world to tackle from the comfort of our suburban backyards. One needn’t look further than the typical college campus to find a cause to rally behind, and we’ve got more than a few here.

If Peter Parker’s Uncle Ben was more like Saturday Night Live’s Drunk Uncle, he might say that with great alcohol comes great responsibility. Social development is a huge part of the college experience, and whether or not everyone wants to admit it, alcohol can play into these situations. The dangers of alcohol are widely known, and scolding isn’t going to keep anyone from doing what he or she wants to do. Being responsible — and remembering why we’re at school in the first place — should be encouraged in a fun way.

It’s easy to forget that drinking is illegal for a majority of undergraduate students, but according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, more than 80 percent of college students drink alcohol and 50 percent have been binge drinking in the past two weeks alone.

Is that a large group of people engaging in risky behavior I hear? Sounds like it’s time for some Internet activism!

People seem to enjoy dumping stuff on their heads, so let’s go with that. Water has been taken already, so we’ll have to find some other liquid that’s plentiful on college campuses: beer.

Not just any beer, however. Cheap beer. This, of course, means the ubiquitous and underwhelming king of cheap beers, Natural Light. One may argue that this is actually the same as dumping water on one’s head, due to the supposed similarities in these two liquids, but then again, I don’t technically know if the difference exists. It’s the principle I’m aiming for.

If the Natty Light Challenge is going to work, it’s going to need some rules. After one has dumped a bucket of warm — yes, warm — beer upon them, they must nominate three other people to complete the challenge. The dumping and nomination processes should be filmed and uploaded to social media — just to tempt fate with future employers. In keeping with the symbolic nature of this challenge, those nominated will have 30 hours to comply, one for every beer in the case.

So how does this challenge prevent irresponsible drinking, you ask? It’s really quite simple. If everyone dumps beer on their heads, there won’t be enough left for people to drink to excess, if at all. If it ain’t there, ya can’t use it. Some really sad kids may try to lick it off the ground, but that’s just always going to happen.

What about those who fail to bless their craniums with vitamin B(eer)? While the punishment of the Ice Bucket Challenge was actually more helpful than wasting water, the Natty Light Challenge has none. There is always the possibility that those who don’t comply may be digitally ostracized by their Facebook peers. Besides, who wouldn’t want to soak themselves in a warm, sticky, alcoholic concoction?

As for the inaugural challenge, I nominate Speaker of the House John Boehner, the forthcoming royal baby and the chancellor. That is, the Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel, because beer sure is popular over there. You have 30 hours.

Zach Schweikert is a sophomore advertising major. He’s so desperately worried about a future career that he had The Daily Orange change his picture. His column appears every Thursday in Pulp. He can be reached at zdschwei@syr.edu

Published on September 11, 2014 at 12:01 am